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Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
My Answers to 7 Strange Questions: Q2
Q2. What is true about you today that would make your 8-year-old self cry?
I was a really sensitive kid when I was growing up. I was easily ashamed and frightened. Easily ashamed because my mom would use body-shaming a lot as one of her disciplinary methods. Easily frightened because my mom would surprise me with smacks and whacks with her hand or a wooden cane. She was also overprotective and never really taught me how to 'fish' (reference to that life philosophy of fishing). I was like a thin fragile piece of glass that has been tipped over the edge of falling over and over again. With my enhanced sense of humiliation, I was teased a lot in school for my weight. Being an overprotective mother as she is, she fed me like there was no tomorrow day by day and ultimately I became a really cute and chubby girl. I was one of the tallest in the class, but that still didn't justify my chubbiness. Right now, I'm not tall, I'm average. My size? Average too. I ain't skinny or oversized. I'm average. I guess that would make my 8-year-old version of me disappointed because I used to hope that puberty would help me out in becoming drop dead gorgeous. But to cheer my 8-year-old self up, I'm CUTE instead.
Another thing would be how I obsessed with sexuality. Maybe it's just a phase, but I'm pretty sure I'm a hentai. As I have declared before, I'm a bisexual. But my 8-year-old self will understand and accept that. I realized I was a really accepting child when I was 8 years old. Forget that.
When I was 8 years old, I would cry when I feel a sense of abandonment, rejection, and failure. I believe me not getting to go to a university just like my brother and sister would kind of upset me. However, the most upsetting one would be how my family would label me as "stupid". Not just my family, other people too. Yes, I may be ignorant on most things but I am willing to learn and absorb. So please don't start off your comment on my ignorance with "Are you stupid? How can you not know this?" because that definitely affects my self-esteem and eventually you may be part of the blame for my possible suicide.
Also, I know that I can make stupid decisions from time to time. At least I accept the fact that I do, instead of giving myself excuses and explaining to others why it was sensible for me to make the WRONG decision, unlike SOME people. But before you start judging me, take a good look at yourself. Are you incredibly SUCCESSFUL in life? Have you not EVER made stupid decisions before? Are you PERFECT? If your answer is no to any of these questions, then shut the fuck up. And leave me alone.
So to my 8-year-old self, the world is unfair. Some people will call you stupid and demoralize you, not only in primary school. It'll last all the way to adolescence for sure, and most likely even to adulthood. I'm sorry to let you know that. It's okay to cry.
To find out all 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Purpose in Life, click here.
I was a really sensitive kid when I was growing up. I was easily ashamed and frightened. Easily ashamed because my mom would use body-shaming a lot as one of her disciplinary methods. Easily frightened because my mom would surprise me with smacks and whacks with her hand or a wooden cane. She was also overprotective and never really taught me how to 'fish' (reference to that life philosophy of fishing). I was like a thin fragile piece of glass that has been tipped over the edge of falling over and over again. With my enhanced sense of humiliation, I was teased a lot in school for my weight. Being an overprotective mother as she is, she fed me like there was no tomorrow day by day and ultimately I became a really cute and chubby girl. I was one of the tallest in the class, but that still didn't justify my chubbiness. Right now, I'm not tall, I'm average. My size? Average too. I ain't skinny or oversized. I'm average. I guess that would make my 8-year-old version of me disappointed because I used to hope that puberty would help me out in becoming drop dead gorgeous. But to cheer my 8-year-old self up, I'm CUTE instead.
Another thing would be how I obsessed with sexuality. Maybe it's just a phase, but I'm pretty sure I'm a hentai. As I have declared before, I'm a bisexual. But my 8-year-old self will understand and accept that. I realized I was a really accepting child when I was 8 years old. Forget that.
When I was 8 years old, I would cry when I feel a sense of abandonment, rejection, and failure. I believe me not getting to go to a university just like my brother and sister would kind of upset me. However, the most upsetting one would be how my family would label me as "stupid". Not just my family, other people too. Yes, I may be ignorant on most things but I am willing to learn and absorb. So please don't start off your comment on my ignorance with "Are you stupid? How can you not know this?" because that definitely affects my self-esteem and eventually you may be part of the blame for my possible suicide.
Also, I know that I can make stupid decisions from time to time. At least I accept the fact that I do, instead of giving myself excuses and explaining to others why it was sensible for me to make the WRONG decision, unlike SOME people. But before you start judging me, take a good look at yourself. Are you incredibly SUCCESSFUL in life? Have you not EVER made stupid decisions before? Are you PERFECT? If your answer is no to any of these questions, then shut the fuck up. And leave me alone.
So to my 8-year-old self, the world is unfair. Some people will call you stupid and demoralize you, not only in primary school. It'll last all the way to adolescence for sure, and most likely even to adulthood. I'm sorry to let you know that. It's okay to cry.
To find out all 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Purpose in Life, click here.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Let Go.
This must be how it feels to let go. We were going strong in the beginning, had a few rocky moments but we still made it through them and returned to normal. But then, things started to sink for no reason.
I get it. You're moving on. Or should I say, you've moved on.
I always wanted to believe in us working out in the end because I have heard of LDRs succeeding eventually, and we were so strong most of the time, at least to me.
I have personal experience to know that dragging things out isn't the best solution for both parties, so when there are red flags (like my insecurities & anxiety) popping up, I believe it's best to cut the wire before I fall too deep as you "go" away.
I must have fallen for you hard, because it hurts. And the funny thing is that I made the choice to let you go. It's for the best.
I get it. You're moving on. Or should I say, you've moved on.
I always wanted to believe in us working out in the end because I have heard of LDRs succeeding eventually, and we were so strong most of the time, at least to me.
I have personal experience to know that dragging things out isn't the best solution for both parties, so when there are red flags (like my insecurities & anxiety) popping up, I believe it's best to cut the wire before I fall too deep as you "go" away.
I must have fallen for you hard, because it hurts. And the funny thing is that I made the choice to let you go. It's for the best.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
I'm Bi
No, I am not confused.
No, it's not a teenage phase.
No, I have not experimented with anyone.
But yes, I am bisexual. I do feel attraction for girls the same way I feel for guys. To be honest, I was crushing on girls first before guys. I remember my first time kissing a friend on a cheek because I got excited. It was a she, and if I don't remember wrong, it was a white girl. It was during my first year in primary school. I don't remember how but we clicked really well. We talked, shared secrets and played together during recess. But it only lasted for less than a year because she had to move back to the US. We're still friends on Facebook though, but not in touch. She's back in Singapore now and it turns out that she graduated from the Singapore American school (pardon my Facebook stalking). I just realized that I only stalk girls (not ALL THE TIME but OCCASIONALLY). Not because of jealousy, but the opposite and I do not want to sound like a pervert. Now, I do get nervous when a girl holds my hand, even casually. My heart skips a beat when my female friends lean their heads on my shoulder. However, when guys make contact with me like a hug, I feel the same.
Don't get me wrong, I do like guys, but only when guys are attracted to me first. I did have high school crushes but believe me, they were short-lived. Ya see, I think all guys are either douchebags or obsessively dumb. Maybe the reason why I think that way is due to my lack of dating experience. But my faith in guys to be "decent" is incredibly low. Girls, on the other hand, are much sweeter and I enjoy embracing girls more. However, I assure you that I am not a lesbian. Or maybe not yet.
No, it's not a teenage phase.
No, I have not experimented with anyone.
But yes, I am bisexual. I do feel attraction for girls the same way I feel for guys. To be honest, I was crushing on girls first before guys. I remember my first time kissing a friend on a cheek because I got excited. It was a she, and if I don't remember wrong, it was a white girl. It was during my first year in primary school. I don't remember how but we clicked really well. We talked, shared secrets and played together during recess. But it only lasted for less than a year because she had to move back to the US. We're still friends on Facebook though, but not in touch. She's back in Singapore now and it turns out that she graduated from the Singapore American school (pardon my Facebook stalking). I just realized that I only stalk girls (not ALL THE TIME but OCCASIONALLY). Not because of jealousy, but the opposite and I do not want to sound like a pervert. Now, I do get nervous when a girl holds my hand, even casually. My heart skips a beat when my female friends lean their heads on my shoulder. However, when guys make contact with me like a hug, I feel the same.
Don't get me wrong, I do like guys, but only when guys are attracted to me first. I did have high school crushes but believe me, they were short-lived. Ya see, I think all guys are either douchebags or obsessively dumb. Maybe the reason why I think that way is due to my lack of dating experience. But my faith in guys to be "decent" is incredibly low. Girls, on the other hand, are much sweeter and I enjoy embracing girls more. However, I assure you that I am not a lesbian. Or maybe not yet.
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